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Bisbee loves its vultures. Bisbee also loves parades.

So what does Bisbee do when turkey vultures migrate back here for the summer? We have a vulture parade!

This parade has been happening for many years, at least 13 but maybe more. It used to be held in Old Bisbee, but for the last three years it has been in Vista Park during the regular Saturday Market.

Enjoy!

A vulture announces the beginning of the parade.

I cannot capture the California Central Coast in words. I can’t even capture it in photos. I can share only little tiny pieces: waves, flowers, and sunsets. Sea lions and otters. Food. Oh, the food!

Majestic. Awe-inspiring. Comical and whimsical. Views that captured me so completely I couldn’t move. Traffic that terrified me enough that I had to hand over the keys. I live in a town of 800 and was unprepared for LA freeways.

Elle and I drove straight through to California on day one and stayed two nights in a northern suburb of LA, heading into the city on day two. I didn’t drive, of course. Elle and her mother wanted to hit the garment district, shopping for fabrics and checking out fashions. I chose to do what I do well: visit a coffeehouse. I chose one that specialized in French pastries.

We also got caught in traffic.

When the others finished shopping, we ate some fine, fine food at a little hole-in-the wall. We had sandwiches on fresh, crusty baguette. I had tuna salad, and it was the best tuna salad—and maybe the best sandwich—I’ve ever had, the secret recipe handed down to the cook from his Cuban mother.

The following day Elle and I headed north, stopping at a coffeehouse in Santa Barbara and visiting Old Santa Barbara Mission, built in 1786. Our visit to the coffeehouse had my sister dub our visit the California Coffeehouse and Pastry Tour. She was not wrong. We hit a coffeehouse every morning and a few afternoons, often supplementing our caffeine with baked goods.

In Santa Barbara I also saw my favorite hedge and gate.

Slowly, slowly up the coast, visiting Guadalupe and its cemetery.

In Pismo Beach we stopped to see monarch butterflies but could see them only from a distance. Next, late lunch on the pier.

Further north to have some beach time near San Luis Obispo. Then on to San Simeon where we saw the Hearst Castle from afar and elephant seals from a lookout point. We spent the night in San Simeon.

The next day, day four, we headed north again, stopping in Ragged Beach for, yes, coffee. And a killer breakfast with a fabulous view from the patio.

On up to Gorda which is the southern end of Big Sur country.

About five miles further on at Sand Dollar Beach, the road was closed due to the major slides that happened during the rains last month.

More beach time, a visit with friends, then back south and east to Highway 101 where we headed north to Salinas then west to Monterey for the next three nights.

Day five. A lovely coffeehouse in Monterey, then south.

We splurged and paid to take 17-Mile Drive along the coast. Views, views, and more views!

We had breakfast at the famous lodge at Pebble Beach where we split a breakfast of eggs, potatoes and and Kobe beef—the best, most tender beef I’ve had in my life.

And coffee.

Further south through the village of a Big Sur and finally to the the northern road closure.

Back slowly north to Monterey and our motel.

On day six we stayed around Monterey and Carmel, visiting Cannery Row and other local sights, battling mobs of tourists for parking and walking space and viewpoints.

Day seven we had a heavy breakfast on a pier and a visit with a group of sea lions. A group is a herd, a harem, a rookery, or a bob. I rather like rookery.

Then down 101, west to coastal Highway 1, with more beautiful scenery and then traffic jams as we neared Los Angeles

After a final night outside of LA, we drove through morning rush hour, which was about as awful as you can imagine. Then across the desert, into clouds, drizzle, and into Tucson’s afternoon rush hour. It was a long, nearly thirteen-hour day before we got home.

The beauty was spectacular. I was completely enchanted by the waves, their constant crashing as they slowly erode the cliffs. About five or six times daily I’d exclaim, “The waves! My god, look at those waves!”

I must return for a more leisurely trip. More time with sea lions and sunsets and waves. Especially the waves.

I never thought I’d go back to Puerto Peñasco.

I visited the first time in 1971 when it was small town of about 7,000 along side a Tohono O’Odham village. I camped on the outskirts and never even saw the town. I returned in 1985 when it had swelled to 10,000—one comfortable hotel and a few restaurants. I loved it.

In 1993, I was horrified by the population explosion. There must have been 25 or 26,000 people there. I told my then-husband it was ruined and I’d never return.

But when my friend Frank was house sitting there and got permission for me to come visit, well … well, it was Mexico after all. Even with a winter-time population nearing 80,000, it would be nice to see Frank and I figured I’d enjoy the sea and food.

So I went, deciding ahead I’d have to pretend it was someplace I’d never been. And because it was completely unrecognizable, in a sense that was true. I’d never been to this Puerto Peñasco before.

Let me tell you who Frank is. We met about six years ago when he was couchsurfing his way across the southern US, headed back to his home near Seattle. He found my offer of a place to stay via the website, couchsurfing.com. It was free then, but today it’s a subscription site, though affordable. If you want to travel affordably, sign up—it’s great!

Frank has been leaving the cold, rainy northwest for Arizona sunshine every winter since and has stayed with me many time. This time, I’d be visiting him.

I crossed the US/Mexico border before 8:00 am and arrived in Cholla Bay (also Choya Bay, the gringo spelling) before 10. Frank helped me get my things inside, showed me the rooftop deck, and we immediately went out for a late breakfast.

Great huevos rancheros at Xochitl’s Cafe though the salsa was gringo-ized and not very spicy.

In the ten days I was there, Frank and I sampled a lot of restaurants, saw daily sunrises and sunsets, visited bakeries, and toured around a bit. All this in addition to shopping for groceries, wandering the malecón, and lounging on the roof.

One day we visited El Barco, the women’s oyster co-op. El Barco is the only female owned and operated oyster farm in Puerto Peñasco, and they also have a restaurant with a view.

We roamed CEDO, the Intercultural Center for the Study of Deserts and Oceans, where we saw the skeleton of a fin whale. The bones were found in the area in 1983 and were eventually moved and reassembled at the CEDO site.

We visited two bakeries, my favorite La Tapatía, where breads and rolls were still baked the old fashioned way.

Frank took me to the malecón and I went back once on my own. A malecón similar to a boardwalk in that it fronts the ocean or sea. It’s often made of stone. It or the area around it usually has stalls with vendors selling food, local handicrafts and arts, tickets to boat rides, blankets, clothing, and more.

There are lots of boats in Puerto Peñasco.

I was fortunate to be in town for Día de los Muertos, Day of the Dead. Vendors sell marigolds for people to place on the graves of their loved ones. The belief is marigolds attract the souls of the departed, so graves are decorated with them as are altars created specially for the holiday.

One area of town had a display of altars.

Catrinas were everywhere. Catrinas are skeleton dolls, artwork, and even sculptures representing the dead for Día de los Muertos.

CATRINA

Each morning, sunrise lured me to the rooftop.

Most days ended with sunset on the beach.

My ten days in Puerto Peñasco showed me it’s not good to write off a place because it isn’t the way it used to be. Peñasco is a vibrant small city. I’d found it wonderful in 1971 and 1975. If I hadn’t felt so irritated by its growth, I’d have seen it was probably wonderful also in 1993. I sure thought it was on this visit.

I left Ajo as the eastern sky was beginning to get light.

I made a stop at Roadrunner Java. It was the only place open at that hour and I’d read online that the coffee was good and donuts were excellent. That review was almost correct. The donut and coffee were both excellent. I highly recommend stopping if you’re ever in town, but go soon. The owner is not young and the business is for sale.

Down the road I went, passing the town of Why, still sleeping at just after 6 AM.

And I made my goal, Organ Pipe for sunrise sunrise.

I crossed the border easily though I got an alto (stop) light which meant my vehicle had to be inspected by the aduana, Mexican customs. I chuckled as the vehicle behind me, truck bed piled high with furniture and trailer equally piled, got a pase (green, no inspection) light. The aduana inspected my vehicle for approximately 30 seconds, and one agent asked where I was coming from. He was shocked and pleased when I said Naco. Then he smirked a bit and asked if I had any weapons. I pointed to my fist and said, “Only this.” He laughed and let me get going.

Soon I was south of town and skirting the western edge of a desolate plant and animal preserve called Reserva de la Biosfera El Pinacate y Gran Desierto de Altar.

Fromthe Mexican government’s page: “El Pinacate y Gran Desierto de Altar, is a magical place of stark beauty, unusual creatures, unique plants, and remarkable geological features. It is the largest active dune field in North America and features the unusual star-shaped dunes. In the area there is a spectacular volcanic shield, where there are lava flows, cineritic cones and impressive giant craters.” https://www-gob-mx.translate.goog/semarnat/articulos/reserva-de-la-biosfera-el-pinacate-y-gran-desierto-de-altar-161908?_x_tr_sl=es&_x_tr_tl=en&_x_tr_hl=en&_x_tr_pto=sc

I made no stops for photos, just headed southwest to Puerto Peñasco. By that time I was desperate to get my toes in the Sea of Cortez.

Made it. Ahhh!

I left home around 8:30, made a few stops and finally headed west from Tucson toward Ajo, Arizona, today a small community that was once a mining town.

My ultimate destination was Puerto Peñasco, located at the bottom of the map near the left. Right on the water.

On the west side of Tucson, I picked up Arizona highway 86, soon entering Tohono O’odham land.

Highway 86 is a two-lane road that was in rough shape. Patches on top of patches on top of patches made for a bumpy ride. It was partly overcast, and for about half an hour I got drizzled on and even even heavily rained on.

I passed towns and turnoffs with names like Chiwuli Tak and Pisnemo, listening to radio station KOHN, Hewel Ñi’ok Radio, the voice of the Tohono O’odham Nation.

The station played a broad array of music: Mexican, oldies from the fifties (even Elvis), country, and the best—traditional and new O’odham. New O’odham is a style called chicken scratch. Chicken scratch music is recognizable for its moderate use of saxophone, some drums, and lots of accordion.

There were also quite a few community announcements, most in the native language, so I couldn’t understand a thing. In all, it was very enjoyable.

I saw several signs commemorating or protesting the disappearance of Native women.

And right before I left the reservation, a casino.

About 20 minutes later I was in the town of Ajo. I got a meal at the only open restaurant and then wandered town for a while.

The plan had been to continue on to Organ Pipe Cactus National Monument and camp there, but by the time I wandered, it was close to sunset. I was exhausted and didn’t feel like driving, arriving in the dark, and searching for a place to camp. If, in fact, there were any spots even available.

So I watched the sunset and checked into a motel.

And it’s a good thing I stayed in a motel. The overnight temperatures at Organ Pipe dipped into the 40s, and I really wasn’t prepared for much below 55 (which had been the original forecast).

New plan: up early and be amid the giant cactus for sunrise.

My friend Pam lives in Tucson and has a little casita in the village of Mata Ortiz, Chihuahua, México. Mata Ortiz is a village of about 2000 people with typical small town shops—mostly food and other necessities.

But about seventy years ago, villagers began using clay in the area to form pottery, copying old pieces they’d found in fields surrounding the town. By the 1990s when I first visited, the community was becoming known for fine ceramics, and potters were beginning to show their work in galleries throughout the US, then Mexico, and eventually, throughout the world. The pots, not always traditional designs these days, carry prices up to $3000.

Pam and I left my house around 8 am on a Monday morning heading east on US Highway 80. East then northeast into New Mexico and to the tiny town of Rodeo, today with a population of fewer than fifty people.

Years back, I’d always stop at the Rodeo store and restaurant. I’ve purchased food there and had some great meals in the little cafe.

Pam and I decided to stop for a quick visit, maybe pick up some food to take on the trip. We found only a few snacks available—very few—and the restaurant owner/cook/waitress/cashier was having a cup of coffee with a friend. There were no other customers.

We chatted with them briefly and I told the owner how much I’d always loved the US Highway 80 map mural on the south wall of the cafe. Pam and I then headed on our way having found nothing at all to purchase.

Soon we were headed east on New Mexico 9 going through Animas (about 125 people) and Playas, (around 50 people), a town once built and owned by Phelps Dodge Mining Corporation. Then to Hachita (also around 50 people), Hermanas (no longer exists), and finally Columbus, with a population of about 1400.

As we drove from Hachita to Hermanas, we looked for any signs designating the area where Phelps Dodge Mining Corporation, the then Bisbee (AZ) mining company, had dumped a thousand or so miners in 1917. Read the book Bisbee ’17 for the history of the 1917 Deportation, or watch the 2017 filmof the same name (though not a takeoff on the book) to learn about that tumultuous and cruel time in history.

In any event, we found no clues to where the miners had been abandoned and could not even spot any remains of the town of Hermanas other than a cattle pen and a water tower.

We turned south in Columbus and headed for the border.

Crossing into Palomas, Chihuahua, we stopped for lunch a block south of the border at the famous Pink Store.

And then we drove southwest, stopping in Janos to see the ruins of the the Franciscan Mission built in the early 1700s, as well as the ruins of Capilla Capestrenses de Guadalupe.

Through Nuevas Casas Grandes, then Casas Grandes which was settled in the 1660s, past the Mormon community of Colonia Juarez, and finally to Mata Ortiz and Pam’s house.

We wandered Mata Ortiz, enjoying the views and visiting friends.

We made one trip back to the city of Nuevas Casas Grandes for pesos, and another trip back for a great lunch at a mariscos (seafood) restaurant.

And of course, we saw a lot of pottery. And bought some.

We visited the ruins of Paquimé, a once large city founded, experts believe, around 1050.

We went to Colonia Juarez and saw the Mormon Temple. I also bought the best empanadas I’ve had in my life, and believe me, I’ve had many.

Friday we packed up and headed home, again crossing the border at Palomas, but this time we stopped for green chile cheeseburgers in Columbus at the Borderland Cafe—worth going out of your way for if you’re driving I-10 through New Mexico. It’s only about half an hour south of Deming. Then, rather than heading back to the interstate, you can head east or west along Highway 9 and enjoy the rural scenery.

I’d say visit Mata Ortiz, but you need a passport, an FMM (Mexican travel permit) Mexican auto insurance, and a permiso (Mexican temporary import permit—a fee plus at least a $3-500 deposit) for your vehicle. Don’t drive down without all of that!

As a border resident, I always have my passport on me and I buy Mexican auto insurance yearly. I get a six-month FMM twice a year and drive only where no vehicle permiso is necessary.

I’d been in Louisville two weeks and most of the time it had been slightly overcast and cool. Sometimes downright cold.

Then, there it was, a day comfortable enough to be outside, and there was actual sunshine off and on. We decided to hop in the car, wander around rural Kentucky, and search country roads for old barns for me to photograph.

Jeannie drove, and it was my job to look ahead for two things: interesting barns, and places we could pull off to the side of the road.

We and three of her children had taken a nice back-roads drive through gentle rolling hills up to Madison, Indiana, the previous week, the only other sunny day, and there were fabulous old barns but nowhere to pull off the highway and too much traffic to just edge over to the side. As a lover of old barns, I’d been horribly frustrated to not be able to take any photos.

So, on the next sunny day, coincidentally a day with few obligations, off we went!

We headed east about thirty miles to Shelbyville. My sister knew of an old barn there, and I was itching to see and photo it and whatever else we ran across.

From there we headed north on a few local roads through farmland with old homes and glorious old barns.

And then the first surprise. We were pulling into the town of New Castle, less than an hour from my sister’s house (if we hadn’t made any stops). I spotted an old barn and Jeannie saw a parking lot.

After I took a quick photo, I noticed a log cabin just ahead, right in downtown, and there was a parking area immediately across from it. Yay!

As we climbed out of the car, I spotted the sign in front of the cabin: The Bookstore at Berry Center.

“Jean! It’s a bookstore! Wanna go in?”

“Of course.”

We climbed stone steps to the door, me thinking a bookstore called “Berry Center” would be about gardening. We were promptly greeted by a young woman whose name we later learned was Emma.

“Have you heard of the author Wendell Berry?”

“Sure! Love his work.”

It turns out the Berry Center was named for Wendell Berry who had once lived in this town and currently lived just up the road. We explored every nook and cranny, both floors, of the sweet little shop. The upstairs held mostly children’s books while those for adults filled the downstairs.

We chatted for some time with Emma behind the counter before we left.

Then on to searching for more barns

And then the second surprise. Rather, a group of surprises.

We decided the next stop would be La Grange, for a few reasons. One, my sister had heard there were good restaurants there. We were getting hungry and decided to stop for a late lunch. Second, we were raised in the community of La Grange, Illinois, and thought it would be fun to spend a little time in another La Grange.

The first surprise was right on Main Street. There were tracks running right down the middle of the street, and yes, up to thirty trains a day roll right through downtown. Locally the area is called Trains on Main.

No trains were coming as we turned onto Main Street and found a parking spot across from the restaurant we’d decided to eat in. Not eat in, actually, because I still won’t eat in a public place. Too many unmasked people too close together for me. So we were across the street from the restaurant from which we could get some takeout.

The restaurant, called One Nineteen West Main, had a great door.

And it had a fabulous menu that included fried green tomatoes and something called potato cupcake bites, mashed potatoes with cheeses and chopped ham rolled in crumbs of (we think, though it doesn’t say so on the restaurant description) potato chips then deep fried.

As we pulled out of town, we found another surprise: The county courthouse looked like it was being moved!

We later learned it wasn’t actually being moved. It had been lifted so a new foundation could be poured underneath it. The courthouse was built in 1854, making it nearly 150 years old.

And that was our last big event on our adventure. We headed back to Louisville, only half an hour away, no more barns to see but delighted with our day.

I walked into the Health Department in Bisbee’s old county building and told the woman at the desk I needed a health permit.

The woman called to the health inspector, Arnold, and he came out to meet me and schedule an appointment.

Arnold introduced himself and asked what kind of business I’d be opening. “A little grocery store,” I replied. “I opened a few weeks ago.”

The look of shock on his face would’ve made me laugh except I realized something very serious was happening.

Arnold sputtered and even flapped his arms a bit. “But you have to have the permit before you can open! Tell me where the store is. I’ll be there on Monday. What time do you open?”

“It’s at 7 OK Street, and I open at nine,” I told him.

“See you then.” And he headed back to his office shaking his head.

Arnold’s was the first act of kindness. As I later learned, he could have marched right down and closed the place.

I’d opened my little grocery, the Bisbee General Store, a few weeks previously. I had approximately zero business sense and an equivalent amount of experience running a store. I’d had no idea I needed a permit. I’d simply opened.

Just over a month previously, I learned my grandmother had left me a small amount of money when she’d died. $2000. In 1973, that was the most money I’d ever had—and it would continue to be the most for many years.

I decided I wanted to open a little shop and asked people around the community what it was the town needed. Almost to a person, people said they wanted healthy food: grains, beans, whole wheat flour, herbal teas, etc.

Note: When I speak of “the community” here, I refer to Bisbee’s newcomers, the artists and hippies.

The one thing I knew about food was the bulk 50-pound bags couldn’t sit on the floor as they did in Mexico. Sacks of flour, beans, sugar, and salt sat right on the floor of the little market I shopped in across the border.

I bought 55-gallon garbage cans for the bags to sit in, and some friends built a little raised area of 2x4s and plywood. Another act of kindness.

I zipped up to Tucson and got old catalogues from the food co-op there and once back at home, I called a few places in Phoenix and placed my first orders.

In under three weeks, I’d opened my store, and it was a few weeks after that when I’d met Arnold in the health department on a Thursday afternoon.

On Friday, I opened the store as usual and put out the word that the health inspector was coming, and I needed help on Sunday making the place sparkle.

People showed up off and on all day. Windows were polished inside and out. The bathroom was scrubbed. Shelves were dusted and the offerings creatively displayed. Walls were washed down and the floor was mopped.

By around two o’clock, the place really did sparkle—as much as an old worn shop could sparkle, anyway. Amazing community support and kindness.

I showed up Monday just before nine, secure in the knowledge that my little store would easily pass inspection. Three customers were waiting for me, and I saw Arnold walking down the hill from the health department, clipboard in hand.

I unlocked the door and as I opened it, a dog went charging in.

On top of that, the overnight winds had blown out a high window. There were glass shards all over the shelves, grain bins, and floor. Dust and leaves had blown in the open window and were swirling about.

And Arnold walked in.

And the dog ran up to greet him.

The inspector looked around, dazed. “I think you’ve got a little work for this place to pass inspection, ma’am.”

An understatement.

He walked about, checking things off and making notes on a form. In just a few minutes, he tore off the top sheet and handed it to me.

“Just fix these things up, and I’ll be back on Thursday.”

I looked down the checklist. He’d only marked the obvious: dust and debris on shelves and floor. No mention of the glass, and no mention of the dog.

Again that Monday, I spread the word. A short time later, someone appeared with an extension ladder and measured for the new window. He tacked some cardboard up to keep more dust and leaves out.

The same young guy returned the next day and installed the glass. No charge. Kindness indeed.

And the angel cleaning crew showed up again, ridding the shop of all traces of leaves, dust, and glass. And of dog fur.

On Wednesday at close of day, all I had to do was a light dusting and sweeping to be ready for Arnold’s Thursday morning visit.

This time, I opened the store to a clean shop. Arnold showed up within half an hour, again prowled the place with his clipboard, and made little checkmarks on a sheet.

“Congratulations!” he said with a grin. “You can now open your store.”

He handed me the top copy and pulled out an official health department permit for me to post on the wall. Then he gave me a warm, friendly smile and walked out the door.

About six months later, after working morning and evening shifts as a waitress while keeping the store open all day, I knew I couldn’t go on working seven days a week.

Monday through Saturday, I’d waitress most days from 6-9 am, open the store, close it at five, and waitress from about 5:15 until 9 or 10. On Sundays, the store was closed but I often waitressed an eight-hour shift.

“What should I do?” I asked Maxine.

“Turn it into a food co-op,” she replied.

A week later, about forty people met at the store. We all sat on the floor and talked of how to create a co-op. Within a few hours, we’d drawn up an agreement. For cost of inventory, I’d sell the store to “the people of Bisbee” and payments would be made over time as proceeds allowed.

Someone wrote up the agreement and everyone there signed it. The Bisbee Food Co-Op was born.

The co-op later incorporated and kept that wording: The Bisbee Food Co-op was owned by the people of Bisbee.

People stepped forward, helped weigh all the grains and inventory the stock. They drew up a semi-formal contract, handwritten on a clean piece of paper, outlining the debt and how it was to be paid.

The co-op remained the heart of the community for many years. And that community grew to encompass many more than just the artists and hippies who once organized it into a successful store.

Over forty years later, the co-op eventually died a slow death due to mismanagement. But it never would have been here in the first place without a lot of community support and kindness.

dry heat, they say

little comfort to migrants who cross

Sonora to Arizona

a line in the desert

they crossed by night

but nights

in summer

are short, turn

quickly into days

long days

of terrible heat

dry heat

more than two dozen men

and boys

left Veracruz,

land of rain and mango and papaya

making their way al norte

crossed that desert line

to arid land

with no mango

no papaya

only rattlesnakes

thorny cactus

unas pocas horas

said the coyote,

only a few hours

to the highway—

then abandoned them

they walked “The Devil’s Highway”

a land known for heat

dry heat

not for a few hours

not unas pocas horas

but seventy miles

to the highway

two dozen men

and boys

seventy miles from the highway

but

believing it was

close

they moved across dry sand

with one day’s food

and one day’s water

in dry heat

through dry washes

over dry hills

eating cactus

becoming dizzy, nauseous

drinking urine

dying 

in 115 degree

dry heat

I went toward Death.

It was 1986 and I was nearing forty. I’d recently left Tucson for a job in Kansas City, Missouri. In Tucson I’d been involved with the Sanctuary Movement, assisting Guatemalans and Salvadorans fleeing repression, torture, and death squads in their countries.

When I arrived in Kansas City in the fall of 1985, churches there were just beginning to organize to assist refugees. I immediately became involved. Soon I realized I had to go to Guatemala myself to learn firsthand what was happening.

My learning began in the southern state of Chiapas, Mexico. A refugee camp in the jungles of Mexico, less than a mile from the Guatemalan border. Where sometimes, at night, helicopters would drop low, their thump thump thump giving warning.

Warning before bullets strafed the village. A warning, but not enough.

Warning, but no time to jump from sleep, grab the babies, rush out the door and head deep into the jungle.

Just enough warning to let them know they or a neighbor or their daughter or son would soon die.

But I went there, to the place Death often visited. I went in daytime. I wasn’t ready to die, I knew I likely wouldn’t die—the strafing happened less by day. But I knew I’d walk close.

And today, how many in that village are still alive?

Walking out of the village, back to town, hiding in the jungle when I heard a vehicle. The army patrolled this road, and if they saw me, I’d be arrested. Visitors weren’t allowed in the camps. Hiding, crouching low in jungle’s dense green, running out when I spotted an old farm truck, waving it down for a ride.

Days later, time to enter Guatemala. A bus at dawn from Comitán in southern Mexico, then a back-of-a-truck ride to the border. Crossing a border, paying an illegal entry fee. Argue with the border guard who wanted a little of my money? The one who could prevent my entry or even have me arrested? Never a good idea.

Four hours, bumping along on a Guatemalan bus, probably an old school bus, on that road to Huehuetenango, from borderlands jungle to highlands. The paved road that dissolved to dirt and rock and cratered holes, the craters caused by bombs. “Don’t take that road,” the nuns had told me. Muy peligroso! Very dangerous.

Bouncing down that road, three to a seat, me wedged between two farmworkers. The man by the window with his head fallen to my shoulder in sleep, his machete tied at his waist, swinging, banging against my leg with each bump. Each crater.

Off the bus briefly in Huehue to stretch, then boarding again to ride south two more hours into Santa Cruz del Quiché, still in the highlands. Santa Cruz del Quiché, surrounded by villages too tiny to appear on maps. Most of the villages sites of army-led massacres. Villages that no longer existed because everyone there had been killed, the buildings burned.

South another hour, through Chichicastenango and changing busses in Los Encuentros. Cutting southeast in another old school bus, in the aisle for hours, sitting on my suitcase. But at least no longer on the road the army sometimes laced with mines.

Arriving outside Antigua in the dark. “But how do we get to town?” we asked. The driver swinging his arm to point up a steep hill to the road above.

Slip sliding our way up the hill. “I wonder when there’s a bus?” one of them said. “No, we’ll just get a ride,” I said, as I stepped into the highway and waved my arm to stop a passing truck.

Necesitamos un hotel simple y limpia. We need a clean, basic hotel. We piled into the back of the truck, and within ten minutes he’d dropped us in front of a cheap hotel where we bunked, three females sharing one bed, two males sharing one next door. I’d been a stranger before that night.

Another night, unable to sleep. Hearing the gunshots just outside of town. The next morning, I approached two women washing clothes at the neighborhood spigot. “What was happening?” They turned sad faces away, eyes downcast. As I’d feared: death squads.

Attending gatherings of leftists in little cafes, speaking of refugees and how to get information to villages. How many informers were there that night? Afterwards, scurrying down unlit streets, glancing over my shoulder at imagined footsteps. Avoiding darkened alleyways.

Another trip in 1989, as the wars still raged, as activists continued to disappear, as villagers continued to be massacred. Meeting in a daycare center in Guatemala City. Sitting on the floor, my feet in a hole. The hole caused by a bomb tossed through the front window a few months previously. Thankfully, women had just taken the children into the back room for lunch. No one injured.

The daycare center, run by—and for—women whose husbands were among the disappeared. To start a daycare center, to organize at all, was considered subversive.

Stepping out of the daycare center, we knew we were being watched.

Back to the hotel. The same man who’d been reading a newspaper on the patio that morning was still there, still reading a newspaper. In the dark. And he was there the next morning, pre-dawn, and that night too. Always with a newspaper. Our own personal spy.

Was it the same paper all the time? Did he listen at our doors when we were closed in our rooms?

Meeting also in living rooms. Thirty people standing, sitting, leaning against walls. Talking with village organizers who’d slid in after we’d gathered, who disappeared when they were through talking. Who cautioned us not to acknowledge them in the market, in the streets. To acknowledge them in public would make them suspect. Make them a possible target. Make us ones also.

Meeting with the US Ambassador to Guatemala, in the US Embassy. Taken to a small theater that was far too large for our little group. An uncomfortable feeling I was being watched, turning to see the camera pointed at us. Later spotting another at the edge of the stage. They hadn’t even bothered to disguise them. Blatant intimidation.

And meeting with organizers in a village on a dirt road, helicopters suddenly appearing above, flying lower, lower. Kicking up dust and gravel, impossible then to talk. The Guatemalans we’d been speaking with disappearing, running all directions, down every street. Me wondering if they’d be alive the next day. Wondering if we would be.

Our bus breaking down on a back road, several miles outside of Chichicastenango. At night. Flagging down a truck yet again, this time a produce truck. Hiding behind sacks of potatoes and corn. The driver didn’t want to be accused of operating an illegal taxi service. Having his truck confiscated. Going to jail. And then, well, who knew what would happen?

A third trip, 1990, in Quetzaltenango, traveling alone. Attending a concert by Nicaraguan activist Luis Enrique Mejía Godoy, one of the best concerts I’ve been to. And once again, walking many unlit blocks back to where I was staying. Walking in the middle of the street, once more away from darkened doorways and alleys. Again, looking over my shoulder, noises making me jump.

I’ve walked near Death. Walked toward him. Sometimes looked at him more closely than I’d liked, as though he were just across the room. And yes, there were times I was afraid.

But Death never wanted me. He never stepped forward, never gave forth a greeting.

He waits.